Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture
by Ripplezrain
Summary: With a field trip to Capsule Corp, Vegeta's poisonous cooking, a strange cult that the chibis started, a nosy Videl, and a HUGE suprise from Chichi, whats a demi-saiyan to do? complete
1. KOKOMAUN!

Ripplezrain: Hi! This is my first ever fic (well sort of) and if it's really lame and not funny at all, then spare me. But review and yell at me, and tell me it was horrible. By the way, what exactly is a flame?  
  
Gohan: O.o. I can't help you with that.  
  
Ripplezrain: I never asked you, now did I?  
  
Gohan: What are you, an avacado? (Inside joke)  
  
Ripplezrain: No, if I was I'd be poisonous to birds!  
  
Gohan: . Does the word "sarcasm" have any meaning for you?  
  
Ripplezrain: Maybe. Okay, my peeps, here's the disclaimer!  
  
Disclaimer: Why am I stuck doing the disclaimer?  
  
Gohan: O.O! I never knew disclaimers could talk! Just do the friggin disclaimer!  
  
Disclaimer: Fine! I do not own DBZ, and neither does Ripplezrain, and neither does Gohan, and neither does Julia Roberts, and neither does Brad Pitt, and neither does Indiana Jones, and neither does the scary clown at the circus!  
  
Ripplezrain: Okay, you're fired! That was horrible!  
  
Disclaimer: *Growls, turns SSJ5* YOU SHALL PAY! THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS WILL NOT BE INSULTED!  
  
Gohan: Vegeta's the disclaimer?!!!  
  
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Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture  
  
Gohan sighed sleepily. It was almost lunchtime, he was starving, and his math teacher was yammering on about things he learned when he was six.  
  
*Life stinks like Goten's socks! Oh wait a minute; does Goten wear socks? I don't know but if he did they would stink.* he thought to himself.  
  
Meanwhile, Videl was bored as HE double hockey sticks. (A/N: Censorship, don't look at me! ;) You can also call it HFIL, happy? *Mutters to self about Akira Toriyaka making up weird names, where does he get them all?* Okies, now back to the story.)  
  
"Class, now that we are done talking about math, I would like to announce a very special event. Tomorrow, we will have a field trip to our very own Capsule Corporation. Hopefully, we will get to meet Bulma Briefs and she will show us around!" Mr. Ihatemath said. (A/N: I love making up funny names, now I understand Akira Toriyaka!)  
  
*WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?????!!!!!!! COULD BULMA HAVE ACTUALLY INVITED MY CLASS OVER TO CAPSULE CORP?????!!!!!!!! SINCE THEY'RE MARRIED, BULMA OUGHT TO KNOW THAT VEGETA WILL BE A POTENTIAL PSYCHOTIC MADMAN ON A KILLING SPREE IF MY CLASS COMES OVER!!!!!! AND WHAT WILL THE CLASS DO IF THEY FIND OUT I KNOW BULMA BRIEFS????????!!!!!!* Gohan thought in one breath. (If you can count breaths while thinking.)  
  
"Hey, Gohan, isn't this gonna be soooooo cool? We get to visit Bulma Briefs!" shrieked our favorite bubbly blonde, Erasa.  
  
"Umm, yeah, it's gonna be, umm, great, yeah, umm, yeah." was her mumbly response.  
  
The rest of the day was rather uneventful, and Gohan didn't remember it much. He was too busy thinking for the safety and sanity of his fellow classmates.  
  
*What was Bulma thinking? I have to go over and ask her about it.*  
  
Meanwhile, Videl was looking at Gohan suspiciously. *I'm positive he's hiding something! And I'm gonna find out if it's the last thing I do!*  
  
Finally, the school bell rang. Gohan rushed over to Capsule Corp and found Mirai Trunks, Chibi Trunks, and Goten sitting on the floor. Goten was chanting, "UM BUM BAH BUM BAH UM BUM BAH BUM BAH!" over and over again with zest. Chibi Trunks was whacking Mirai with a stick, screaming "NOW YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO THE ALL POWERFUL, ALL GREAT, KOKOMAUN!!!!!!"  
  
"SAVE ME GOHAN!" Mirai screamed before losing consciousness.  
  
"HEY! WHY ARE YOU GUYS KILLING MIRAI TRUNKS?!!!!" Gohan anxiously questioned.  
  
"He refused to be sacrificed to the all powerful, all great, all knowing, KOKOMAUN!!!!!" Trunks and Goten screamed.  
  
Dead silence.  
  
"Brother, KOKOMAUN is a god. You see, me and Trunks are ancient Aztecs in disguise. He's the keeper of the idol, and I'm the high priest. I'm the one who takes care of the sacrificial rituals, and Trunks keeps the idol," Goten said innocently.  
  
"And where did KOKOMAUN originate from? A volcano, a cloud, a mountain?" Gohan asked.  
  
"NOOOO!!!!!!! FROM A MCDONALD'S HAPPY MEAL!!!!!!!" Goten and Trunks held up a little key-chain stuffed head. It was the head of the cute little kitty Chococat.  
  
"You guys, that's a happy meal toy."  
  
"KOKOMAUN WAS BORN IN MCDONALDS! HE WAS HE WAS HE WAS HE WAS!!!!!!!!" Goten and Trunks yelled.  
  
"Okay. so why are you beating Mirai Trunks with a stick?"  
  
"He refused to be sacrificed!!!!! It is an honor of being sacrificed to the all knowing, all powerful, all great, KOKOMAUN!!!!!!" Goten said.  
  
"How exactly are people sacrificed?" Gohan asked.  
  
"Well, KOKOMAUN prefers to have his sacrificed get ki blasted, or else they have to eat Daddy's cooking," Trunks stated this rather matter-of- factly.  
  
Gohan shuddered. He'd been so hungry he actually tried one of Vegeta's brownies once. He should have known not to eat it when it looked sort of orangish and greenish at the same time, but he tried it, because of his true Saiyan hunger desperation. Poor Gohan saw little dancing pigs and bears, along with squiggly rainbows, for about two weeks.  
  
Just then Vegeta walked in.  
  
"UM BUM BAH BUM BAH UM BUM BAH BUM BAH! I see a potential sacrifice here!" Trunks and Goten screamed.  
  
They grabbed Vegeta and calmly asked, "What would you prefer, for us to ki blast you, or to eat some delicious *KOFF KOFF* rice you cooked?"  
  
Vegeta winced. Last time he ate one of his noodles he ran around for a week with a toilet plunger on his head, screaming, "I AM THE PRINCE OF THE TOILETS! BOW DOWN TO ME OR BE FLUSHED!" Piccolo had actually filmed part of it, and they watched the tape when they felt like torturing Vegeta. (But they had to deal with a pile of dust instead of TV.)  
  
Seeing Vegeta, Gohan remembered his purpose. "Hey, Vegeta, have you seen Bulma?"  
  
"DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP A TRACKING DEVICE ON THAT WOMAN?! AND HELP ME GET THE DUMB BRATS AWAY BEFORE I START TO GET ANGRY!!!!!!"  
  
Trunks and Goten started blasting Vegeta. "Mommy went to the mall with Aunty Chichi, Gohan," Trunks said.  
  
"Thanks Trunks. I'll wait for them."  
  
A whole afternoon passed before the two women came home. Gohan, Goten, and Chichi arrived home at around seven.  
  
As they were about to dig into their food, Chichi announced something. "Goten, Gohan, I've got a surprise for you! WE ARE GOING TO WISH YOUR FATHER BACK TO THE EARTH!"  
  
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Ripplezrain: Hehehe cliffie. So, tell me, do you want Gohan and his class to square dance, line dance, or do the macerana?  
  
Gohan: NOT THE MACERANA! OR SQUARE DANCING! OR LINE DANCING!  
  
Ripplezrain: Too bad, bud, it has to be one of them. Okies, review! 


	2. Square dancing

Ripplezrain: I AM HYPER CUZ I ATE TOO MANY CHOCOLATES! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!  
  
Gohan: Ohhhhh nooooo! You don't like to see her when she's hyper. I know she's always on a sugar high but when she's on a sugar sugar high then things get bad.  
  
Ripplezrain: In my little world, everyone is happy! All ants are called John, all papers are called Bob, and leaves can talk! MWAHAHAHA!  
  
Gohan: She's delusional. Has her own little galaxy.  
  
Vegeta: *Snorts* Pathetic. I'm embarrassed she's my boss.  
  
Ripplezrain: That's right, I am your boss, which means I have to fire you. And Bulma's not gonna be happy about that!  
  
Vegeta: Argh. No one ever gives me freedom. You want me to do the disclaimer? I WILL DO THE DISCLAIMER! Idonotowndragonballzbecauseiamacharacterinitandwhoeversaidthatcharacterscoul dbeowners?  
  
Ripplezrain: That was brilliant. Wonderful. Perfect. Only one slight, itsy- bitsy problem. NO ONE IS GONNA UNDERSTAND THAT AND IF THEY COULD THEN IT WOULD PREVENT YOU FROM BEING SUED, NOT ME!! DO IT OVER!  
  
Vegeta: MAKE ME!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Smirks a Vegeta-smirk* Ohhhhhhh Buuullllllllmmmmaaaaaaa!  
  
Vegeta: Ripplezrain does not own Dragonball Z or square dancing! Show mercy! Please!  
  
Ripplezrain: That's better! Now people, it may seem like I'm not going to make Gohan do the Macarena, but don't worry! *Evil grin* I will! He's going to have to square dance, line dance, and of course, do the Macarena!  
  
Gohan: Nooooooo! People, spare me! Have sympathy! Be kind! I saved you all from Cell!  
  
Videl: WAIT A MINUTE WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? MY FATHER SAVED THE EARTH FROM CELL!  
  
Gohan: O.O. No comment. *Flies away*  
  
Videl: COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW SON GOHAN!  
  
Ripplezrain: Before we start the fic, I would like to enlighten you. Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo? Did you know that an ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain? It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (Don't try this at home!) Did you know that-  
  
Vegeta: We don't care! Get on with the story!  
  
Ripplezrain: Fine. *Sniff sniff*  
  
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Previously on "Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture":  
  
As they were about to dig into their food, Chichi announced something. "Goten, Gohan, I've got a surprise for you! WE ARE GOING TO WISH YOUR FATHER BACK TO THE EARTH!"  
  
  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture  
  
Gohan's jaw dropped down, down, down, into the center of the earth.  
  
"THAT'S GREAT!" he yelled.  
  
Goten was excited as well. "I GET TO SEE DADDY AND HE'LL BE MY SECOND SACRIFICE AND KOKOMAUN WILL BE SOOOO PLEASED!"  
  
Chichi smiled. "Krillin, Yamcha, Tien, and Chaotzu are looking for the dragonballs this very moment. Your father has agreed to being wished back to life!" (A/N: I don't care if Goku can't be wished back to life again, I mean you don't need that much detail.)  
  
"Darn! I forgot to ask Bulma why she let my class take a field trip to Capsule Corp!" Gohan said.  
  
"Oh, she said it was because she was bored and wanted something new to do. She didn't tell me it was your class though," Chichi stated.  
  
"Ah, well, I guess Bulma will shut Vegeta in the GR and ignore him all day."  
  
And so our dear demi-saiyan went to bed thinking that life wasn't as bad as he had thought. Boy, was he wrong! *Evil cackling is heard in the distance*  
  
Gohan woke up the next morning and ate his usual breakfast of 85 waffles. (Poor Chichi! She has to cook that much!) Then he flew off to the general direction of Satan City. He was thinking that today would be a pretty good day, despite the fact that he would have to go to Capsule Corp. He flew onto the school roof and walked to his class.  
  
"I can't wait for the field trip!" squealed (A/N: That's the correct adjective for Erasa speaking.) Erasa.  
  
"Me neither," agreed Videl.  
  
Suddenly, a voice over the intercom started speaking. "Attention students. Due to an.um.inconvenience over at Capsule Corp, we will shift the field trip to tomorrow. Since none of your teachers have anything planned, we can spend the day learning about the graceful and fascinating art of dance in your PE classes!"  
  
The class groaned, and Gohan gulped. What did they mean by dance? When his mother made him dance when he was around 3, he managed to make an entire forest turn into chopsticks. (Don't ask.) And what was the inconvenience at Capsule Corp? He followed Videl, Erasa, and Sharpener over to their PE classes.  
  
Mr. Physedstinks, the teacher, said, " The first dance you will do will be square dancing! Now, I've arranged partners, and squares." He listed them off. "Erasa Dust and Sharpener Pencil, go to square 1. Angela Coffeetoffee (A/N: Hey, she did say she liked coffee and sugar!) and Roger Smorgasbord, square 1. Son Gohan and Videl Satan, square 1. (A/N: How many of you didn't see that coming??? It was kind of obvious, although this is not a romance fic. I don't know how to write romance.)  
  
Gohan sighed. "Sorry Videl, for putting you in a position of probable death," he muttered. (Heehee DEATH BY SQUARE DANCING!)  
  
"What was that?" asked Videl.  
  
"Umm, sorry if I step on your toes?" Gohan supplied.  
  
"I stink at dancing!" Videl exclaimed. "I'll probably step on your toes."  
  
The teacher took a while to teach them the steps, and then he started up this unbelievably idiotic music. (A/N: ** now mean what the music is saying, all right?)  
  
*Swing your par'ner and do-si-do!*  
  
Gohan and Videl attempted to swing, but instead went different directions and banged hard into each other. "Oww!" they moaned. (Well, Gohan pretend- moaned; it didn't really hurt that much for him.)  
  
The whole class snickered and continued. "All right, now do-si-do," Videl commanded. Instead of "do-si-doing" however, they crashed into Sharpner and Erasa.  
  
"This is not working very well!" Gohan garbled.  
  
"Gee, ya think?" Videl sarcastically replied while rubbing her bruised head.  
  
*Ladies in the center with the right hand star!*  
  
Videl moved to the center, and successfully stepped on all of the toes. (Which was quite a feat, since that means there are 80 toes in each square. 8 people, 10 toes? Right?)  
  
At the end of the square dancing lesson, Gohan was very bruised, very tired, and very toe-broken. His Saiyan strength just couldn't hold up with the dangers of square dancing.  
  
Gohan sighed, and thought, "As Vegeta would say, these stupid earthling traditions such as square dancing are disgraceful and a punishment to Saiyan-kind." And only 1/3 of the school day was over.  
  
But of course, the Gohan torture does not end there! There, at the doorway, was the Saiyan prince himself, with Goten and Trunks. Vegeta was laughing fit to kill (does anyone use that expression anymore?) and the chibis were trying to imitate Gohan's dancing.  
  
"WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU HERE VEGETA?!!"  
  
"Well, bratling, I am here at this idiotic torture chamber you call 'school' because the woman made me. I have come because of just a slight explosion I made when the woman told me that Kakarrot was coming back to life."  
  
*Well, that explains the small inconvenience at Capsule Corp.* thought Gohan.  
  
"And the woman got mad at me for just blowing up half of her dumb lab, and said she needed to be alone. So she sent the smaller brats to come with me to this idiotic torture chamber you call 'school.'"  
  
"Ah, you must be the temporary student, Vegeta. You will be expected to dance with us!" Mr. Physedstinks said.  
  
"I WILL NOT DO THE STUPID EARTHLING TRADITIONS THAT ARE DISGRACEFUL AND AND A PUNISHMENT TO SAIYAN-KIND!"  
  
"If you don't I'll tell Mommy! And KOKOMAUN is gonna be mad at you!" yelled Trunks.  
  
"What's the first step?" asked poor Vegeta.  
  
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Ripplezrain: That might have sucked. Badly. But it'll hopefully get better. If you want, flame me. I don't care. (And people told me what flames are! MWAHAHAHAAA!) Anyways, I want five reviews before I update again.  
  
Gohan: HEEEEELLLLLLLLLPPPPPPP!!!!!!  
  
Videl: COME BACK HERE YOU!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ripplezrain: ...  
  
Vegeta: Inferior earthling brat. (He means Videl)  
  
Ripplezrain: Anyways, review. 


	3. Line dancing and fusion trouble

Ripplezrain: Thankies for all the really nice reviews/ reviewers! You guys all get--- a brand new, useless, email! Yep! I will email all of you (unless I start getting bored) a personal, inspirational message. (If you put up an address.)  
  
Gohan: You're just gonna give them junk emails, aren't you?  
  
Ripplezrain: Shhhhhhhhhhh! Don't ruin the surprise! Now, time for the disclaimer!  
  
Vegeta: Seriously, does Ripplezrain look rich enough or smart enough to own DBZ?  
  
Ripplezrain: Why thank you for doing a decent disclaimer- HEY! OH VEGETABLE-HEAD, I'M GONNA KILL YOU! EVIL BANANA! (By the way, my new catch phrase is "Eat bananas." Every time you say that, you have to pay me a cyber-nickel.)  
  
Vegeta: Demented person.  
  
Ripplezrain: IF YOU DARE INSULT ME AGAIN, I WILL HAVE TO USE --- MY EVIL PUMPKIN EATER THINGY!  
  
Vegeta: Oh. I am so scared. COUGH COUGH NOT COUGH COUGH!  
  
Ripplezrain: THAT'S THE LAST STRAW VEGGIE! THE PUMPKIN EATER'S COMING OUT! *Takes out an unidentifiable object.*  
  
Vegeta: What a scary item. Ahhhh. COUGH COUGH NOT COUGH COUGH.  
  
Ripplezrain: You should be very scared, Veggie. For what I'm holding right here is a --- *Dramatic music insert* MEGAPHONE!  
  
Vegeta: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ripplezrain: YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Grabs the megaphone and yells into it* BUUUUUULLLLLLLMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! VEGETA'S BEING A BAD BOY!!!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta: *Whimpers* *Runs for his life*  
  
Ripplezrain: :-D  
  
  
  
Previously on Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
(Gohan was forced to square dance, and Vegeta came along, with the chibis.)  
  
"WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU HERE VEGETA?!!"  
  
"Well, bratling, I am here at this idiotic torture chamber you call 'school' because the woman made me. I have come because of just a slight explosion I made when the woman told me that Kakarrot was coming back to life."  
  
*Well, that explains the small inconvenience at Capsule Corp.* thought Gohan.  
  
"And the woman got mad at me for just blowing up half of her dumb lab, and said she needed to be alone. So she sent the smaller brats to come with me to this idiotic torture chamber you call 'school.'"  
  
"Ah, you must be the temporary student, Vegeta. You will be expected to dance with us!" Mr. Physedstinks said.  
  
"I WILL NOT DO THE STUPID EARTHLING TRADITIONS THAT ARE DISGRACEFUL AND AND A PUNISHMENT TO SAIYAN-KIND!"  
  
"If you don't I'll tell Mommy! And KOKOMAUN is gonna be mad at you!" yelled Trunks.  
  
"What's the first step?" asked poor Vegeta.  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
"Now, since you missed the last lesson on square dancing, you'll have to start with us at line dancing, Vegeta, Goten, and Trunks," Mr. Physedstinks said.  
  
Vegeta grunted. Goten and Trunks were too busy to listen, running around with their arms flapping like chickens, screaming, "BOW DOWN TO THE GREAT KOKOMAUN!"  
  
"All of you, get the people who were in your square dancing squares and spread them out into one long line. Vegeta, Goten, Trunks, stand next to Son Gohan," directed Mr. Physedstinks.  
  
After he had told them the steps to line dancing, and another really dumb song started. Gohan frantically tried to grapevine (line dance type of move) and managed to crash into different people from all four directions. Videl got confused, going in all the wrong directions.  
  
Vegeta was having a hard time too. Every time when he tried to grapevine, he twisted his legs and tripped. This not only was painful, but looked very strange too. (A/N: Can you imagine a line-dancing Veggie?)  
  
But strangely, despite their Saiyan blood, Goten and Trunks were doing everything perfectly. Their only problem was that they kept on shouting "KOKOMAUN" in the middle of the dancing.  
  
When the music stopped, Gohan sighed with relief. Unfortunately, it started up again, and everyone went through the same things.  
  
Finally, Vegeta got impatient with the grapevine. "EVIL GRAPEY THINGYMABOBBER! I WILL DEFEAT YOU!" He started firing random ki blasts around the gym, breaking windows and sending birds toppling to their doom.  
  
"Why me?" Gohan moaned.  
  
Then, he hurried and got Vegeta to calm down. The problem was, there were 32 dumbstruck students, blinded by "giant bolts of strange lightning."  
  
"Ummmmmm," Gohan thought fast, "Vegeta was just demonstrating the new type of really powerful flashlight that shines light that is able to break things because it's a new supersonic weapon and everyone uses new technology these days right and if you don't believe me I've got one here, seeeeeeeeee?" He took out his mechanical pencil and held it in his hand, pretending to press a button, while he did a weak ki blast. Sure enough, it blasted a hole through a bush outside.  
  
"WHOA! CAN I HAVE THAT?!" everyone yelled.  
  
"Sorry, these are really rare and expensive and basically impossible to get, so don't even try, alright?"  
  
Videl looked at Gohan and Vegeta suspiciously. She didn't believe the whole flashlight thing. *I mean, if there were flashlights like that, and I doubt there were, then the whole military would want them.* Videl thought.  
  
"Whaddya mean, Brother? Don't you know that that's a kiiii-" Goten tried to say, but Gohan firmly clamped his hand over his mouth.  
  
"How come you never told us that you had a brother?" Videl angrily said, hands on her hips.  
  
"Uh, you never asked?" Gohan answered lamely.  
  
"And why don't you let your brother finish what he was about to say?"  
  
Gohan looked down at Goten. "Goten, will you tell Videl exactly what those brighty lighty things were?" Goten nodded. "And will you be sure to tell her the TRUTH? Coughcoughliegotenliehackhack."  
  
"THEY ARE REALLY COOL FLASHLIGHTS! KOKOMAUN LOVES THEM!" screeched Goten.  
  
Videl still looked suspicious, and she was beginning to get freaked out about his family and friends. I mean, his little brother and a kid with light PURPLE hair believed in some crazy god, and his friend with a major attitude problem starts blowing things up with a flashlight.  
  
"Now, since we are a little ahead of schedule, we have time to let students come up and share a dance that they enjoy," Mr. Physedstinks droned on tonelessly.  
  
"OOOH! WE HAVE ONE! WE HAVE ONE!" shouted Goten and Trunks.  
  
Gohan raised his eyebrows. What dance did they have? Probably some sacred ritual dance for KOKOMAUN.  
  
"Okay, everyone, this is called the Fusion Dance!" (A/N: I know, I know, since the Buu saga hasn't started yet, they haven't learned the fusion dance yet. But this is MY fic, so I get to change history.)  
  
"What you do is you go like this-" Goten and Trunks stuck out their arms and took three steps toward each other- "and say Fu-" and then you walk closer, and then go like this-" they turned their arms the opposite direction- "and you say Sion-" and then you bring the arms together and say Haaaa- AAAAAHH!"  
  
Just then Gohan grabbed the two kids and lifted them to the corner of the gym. "Um, excuse me for a moment!" he said sheepishly to his whole class.  
  
"ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO MAKE ME COMPLETELY CRAZY? YOU CAN'T DO THE FUSION DANCE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! HOW DO YOU THINK THEY'LL REACT WHEN TWO PEOPLE BECOME ONE PERSON?! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M DOING THIS DUMB 'FITTING IN' PROCESS ANYWAYS?! NOW, IF YOU DO ANYTHING- I REPEAT- ANYTHING THAT MIGHT AROUSE SUSPICION, I WILL, um, SACRIFICE YOU TO KOKOMAUN! SO THERE! THERE ARE ALREADY PEOPLE WHO SUSPECT THAT I'M SAIYAMAN! NOW BEHAVE YOURSELVES, OR ELSE!" Gohan shouted this out loud while whispering.  
  
"Sheesh, we were just teaching them a dance!" Trunks said.  
  
"Its okay, Brother, we'll behave," Goten said with innocent eyes.  
  
"We will?" whispered Trunks to Goten.  
  
"Are you crazy? Of course not! Just tell him we will."  
  
"WE'LL BEHAVE!" they said simultaneously.  
  
"Good!" said Gohan. "Now, I want you to finish teaching the class the Fusion dance, but do not, I repeat, do not, fuse! Just teach them the steps."  
  
"So, are we gonna fuse?" Goten asked Trunks.  
  
"Well, it would torture Gohan, right?" Trunks replied.  
  
"So I take that as a yes!"  
  
"You betcha!"  
  
The two little troublemakers walked up to the front of the gym. "Okay, we'll go through the dance again, since we were so RUDELY INTERRUPTED! CoughcoughGohancoughcough."  
  
"Now, the Fusion dance is this, basically." Goten and Trunks went through all the steps, ending with a huge "HAA!" and suddenly, in a flash of smoke and light, there was only one figure. He looked like a combination of both, yet similar to a mini-Vegeta.  
  
"I AM GOTENKS! NONE OF YOU PATHETIC WEAKLINGS COULD EVER MATCH MY POWER! YOU WANNA SEE FOR YOURSELF?" Gotenks started to dart around the room like a jellybean. (A/N: Jellybeans rule!) He blasted holes in the walls and destroyed the basketball hoops. Everyone watched in amazement and horror as a little kid was completely ruined their gym.  
  
Sharpener, with his Stegosaurus mind, was convinced this was some sort of trick the 'nerd-boy' had come up with. He said in a loud voice, "Oh big deal! This is probably some sort of optical-asylum thing and I bet I could beat that kid in five seconds flat." (A/N: I purposely spelled it 'optical- asylum' just to prove Sharpener's idiocy to the world. I hate him, personally.)  
  
Gotenks heard this, due to his acute hearing, and gave Sharpener what appeared to be a light kick in the stomach. Sharpener doubled over on the ground and looked as if he was about to barf. (A/N: I almost pity him. Notice the ALMOST.)  
  
This basically continued for twenty more minutes, but once the half hour was up, two little chibis sprang out.  
  
"Huh? What just happened?"  
  
Gohan advanced on the poor little kids. He resembled Chichi wielding a frying pan. (A/N: I LOOOOOVE Chichi's frying pan!)  
  
"WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I TELL YOU ABOUT NOT FUSING?!" Gohan screamed with a world-record amount of decibels.  
  
Goten and Trunks flinched. "We're s-ss-ssorry," whimpered Goten.  
  
"YOU TWO WILL TELL THE CLASS THAT NOTHING HAPPENED!"  
  
"How are we gonna do that?" asked Trunks.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! IT WAS YOUR MISTAKE, YOU FIX IT!"  
  
"Alright!" they said.  
  
They then walked to the front of the class and said, "Nothing has just happened. You did not just see the two of us become one. You did not see some alien technique of merging. You did not just see a little kid ruin the entire gym."  
  
Gohan slapped his forehead. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOOT ME?!"  
  
Ripplezrain: I've been having a review slump. (  
  
Vegeta: Well with your kind of writing I was expecting it.  
  
Ripplezrain: *Sticks out tongue to Veggie* Anyways, I'm gonna be on vacation for Dec. 21-28. It may take me a while to update. HAWAII!  
  
Gohan: Don't you think I've suffered enough torture for one whole lifetime?  
  
Ripplezrain and everyone else on the face of the Earth: NOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Ripplezrain: Where would I be without Gohan torture? 


	4. Free at last!

Ripplezrain: Hey! Sorry about that looooooong updating time, but as I said before: I went on vacation.  
  
Vegeta: What a relief.  
  
Ripplezrain: I know! It was sooo cool! I went beachcombing every day, and I got to snorkel and feed the fish, and then this giant blue fish came up and bit me on the finger, and I tried to kick it, but I stubbed my toe, but anyways, it was soooo relaxing and-  
  
Vegeta: Stop your rambling! I meant that it was a relief for ME! You were gone for a whole week!  
  
Gohan: You gotta admit, Vegeta's right. When you're here, you torture me endlessly.  
  
Ripplezrain: *Sniff sniff* I'm sorry guys. I wasn't being too considerate. I WILL NEVER TORTURE YOU TWO AGAIN!  
  
Gohan and Vegeta: REALLY?!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Snorts* As if.  
  
Gohan and Vegeta: AWWWWWWWW! I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!  
  
Ripplezrain: Now, for a poll: Should my new muse be: Videl, Goku, Someone Else (State someone in your review, please), or no new muse? Tell me your answer!  
  
Vegeta: Ok, if Ripplezrain owned DBZ, I would be dead already, from humiliation, and so would all of the other characters. HINT HINT I AM NOT A GHOST!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Quirks eyebrow.* Was that a disclaimer?  
  
Vegeta: Why, yes, of course!  
  
Ripplezrain: .... Interesting point of view on things.  
  
Vegeta: Thank you.  
  
Ripplezrain: UNDERSTAND SARCASM!!!!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta: What?!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Slaps forehead* Dope!  
  
Previously on Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Goten and Trunks did the fusion technique, and succeeded in destroying the whole gym.  
  
"I AM GOTENKS! NONE OF YOU PATHETIC WEAKLINGS COULD EVER MATCH MY POWER! YOU WANNA SEE FOR YOURSELF?" Gotenks started to dart around the room like a jellybean. (A/N: Jellybeans rule!) He blasted holes in the walls and destroyed the basketball hoops. Everyone watched in amazement and horror as a little kid was completely ruined their gym.  
  
Sharpener, with his Stegosaurus mind, was convinced this was some sort of trick the 'nerd-boy' had come up with. He said in a loud voice, "Oh big deal! This is probably some sort of optical-asylum thing and I bet I could beat that kid in five seconds flat." (A/N: I purposely spelled it 'optical- asylum' just to prove Sharpener's idiocy to the world. I hate him, personally.)  
  
Gotenks heard this, due to his acute hearing, and gave Sharpener what appeared to be a light kick in the stomach. Sharpener doubled over on the ground and looked as if he was about to barf. (A/N: I almost pity him. Notice the ALMOST.)  
  
This basically continued for twenty more minutes, but once the half hour was up, two little chibis sprang out.  
  
"Huh? What just happened?"  
  
Gohan advanced on the poor little kids. He resembled Chichi wielding a frying pan. (A/N: I LOOOOOVE Chichi's frying pan!)  
  
"WHAT IN THE WORLD DID I TELL YOU ABOUT NOT FUSING?!" Gohan screamed with a world-record amount of decibels.  
  
Goten and Trunks flinched. "We're s-ss-ssorry," whimpered Goten.  
  
"YOU TWO WILL TELL THE CLASS THAT NOTHING HAPPENED!"  
  
"How are we gonna do that?" asked Trunks.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! IT WAS YOUR MISTAKE, YOU FIX IT!"  
  
"Alright!" they said.  
  
They then walked to the front of the class and said, "Nothing has just happened. You did not just see the two of us become one. You did not see some alien technique of merging. You did not just see a little kid ruin the entire gym."  
  
Gohan slapped his forehead. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST SHOOT ME?!"  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Gohan desperately thought of a way to get out of this seemingly impossible situation. But before he had any time to brainstorm, Videl stomped over.  
  
"GOHAN! Would you mind explaining to me why two little kids became one little kid and managed to beat up Sharpener and the gym?!" shrieked Videl.  
  
"Um, a mirage. You see, our school is sitting on a, um, underground cavern with lots and lots of water in it. And, um, the water, um, has lots of this type of fish that creates a sort of chemical in the water and air, and it goes up to the school and, um, pollutes our brains and causes us to see strange things! That's why I saw a giant squid walking around here once! Yeah, that's it!"  
  
"Oh really? Would you mind telling me why we all saw the exact same thing?!" Videl quirked an eyebrow.  
  
"Because, uh, the chemical that made us see things came from the same fish, therefore giving us the same illusion!" Gohan stammered.  
  
"And what is the name of this fish?"  
  
"Uh, the Singing Bass! Because they make funny noises! Yep, that's it."  
  
"Uh-huh. Sure. You won't mind if I check up this fish, will you? Of course you won't! I'll be right back," Videl said as she dashed out. A few minutes later, she came back with a huge book, an encyclopedia.  
  
"It's the most complete encyclopedia there is in the school library. Such a unique, fascinating fish would be in this big thing, now wouldn't it?" Videl said.  
  
Videl checked up Singing Bass, and this was the entry:  
  
Singing Bass- A member of the bass family. Can make funny noises to produce chemicals that they expel.  
  
"See! It's in here!" Gohan shouted. *Boy am I lucky! I'm so glad that I found that Singing Bass in the lake while fishing when I was three, and it scared me half to death. Then Mom spent a week checking up on it in the fish guide things. Thank you, great Singing Bass!* (And when he became a scholar, Gohan created the Singing Bass things that people put on their walls. They weren't very popular, but he did that as a monument to the fish that saved his life.)  
  
Videl scowled. "I still don't believe you, Son Gohan. You'd better come up with a better explanation, and fast." Then, to Gohan's immense relief, she went away.  
  
Giving Gohan the perfect opportunity to yell at Goten and Trunks.  
  
He dashed up to them and gave them a horrible, deathly, EVILLY-EVIL glare.  
  
The chibis gulped.  
  
"WHAT THE H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS WERE YOU THINKING?! DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO DO THE FUSION DANCE?! YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT THIS TIME!" and this continued along this vein for some time.  
  
Vegeta laughed and snorted. "Why are you yelling at the brats when they did nothing wrong?"  
  
"You do that all the time, Vegeta."  
  
"Good point. Anyways, what was that about a 'Singing Bass?'"  
  
"Long story."  
  
"Alright, everyone. After that, um, unique experience, it seems like we are trapped in the gym, because the doors caved in. Now, I called for someone to dig us out, but it'll take awhile. But we must continue with our PE session. How about we dance the macarena?!" Mr. Physedstinks said.  
  
There was a shocked silence from the class. Finally, one girl spoke up. "You're actually asking us to do the MACERANA?! Are you mentally ill?"  
  
"What?" Mr. Physedstinks asked. "The macarena is a FUN dance!"  
  
Multiple groans.  
  
Mr. Physedstinks went through the incredibly stupid steps with everyone. The only people who appeared to have a good time were the chibis, who danced with extraordinary enthusiasm.  
  
Vegeta was standing stock-still.  
  
"What's the matter, Vegeta? Why aren't you dancing?" asked the teacher.  
  
Vegeta shot him a death glare. "If you expect the Prince of the Saiyans to actually do that idiotic routine of pointless movements, then you need a therapist. The bratlings did threaten me with my mate's wrath last time, but I would rather have her wrath than to have my pride shredded to pieces."  
  
And a stone couldn't move him.  
  
Well, the stone probably would have been shattered into a kazillion pieces, but that's another story.  
  
And again, Gohan and Videl were having quite a bad time at it. You know, the usual, tripping, falling, stepping on other people's feet, etc. I don't want to sound too repetitive.  
  
But I'll put it this way: If you saw them dancing, then you would imagine it to be an alien ritual, and the theme song to the Twilight Zone would play in your head. *Du nu du nu du nu nnnniiiiiiiuuuuu!*  
  
And finally, the long awaited bell rang! Gohan sighed with relief, and ran straight into a wall. What normally would have been an open door was blocked off, thanks to Gotenk's little demonstration.  
  
"Are we stuck here?!" he asked the teacher.  
  
"Yes, thanks to your little friend, or your little friends," Mr. Physedstinks said, shooting the chibis an angry glare. "But don't worry, they'll dig us out in about an hour!"  
  
"AN HOUR! WHAT KIND OF TIME DO YOU THINK I HAVE?! I HAVE TO GO HOME AND TRAIN AND TRAIN AND TRAIN, SINCE KAKAROT IS COMING BACK TO LIFE TOMORROW!" Vegeta yelled. "I'LL SPEED THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT!"  
  
With that said, he blasted a large hole out of the caved-in wall and calmly walked outside.  
  
Causing about eighty feet to point to the ceiling; everyone falls down anime-style.  
  
Causing (after everyone to get up) everyone to run out like crazy, creating a stampede.  
  
Causing Gohan to sigh with relief: school was finally over.  
  
Ripplezrain: Nothing happened much in that chapter. Sorry. And its not really funny..  
  
Vegeta: It was never funny.  
  
Ripplezrain: DIE VEGGIE HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and review please. 


	5. Goku returns!

Ripplezrain: HI!!!!!!!!! Let's welcome our new muse, Legolas the elf from Lord of the Rings!!!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta and Gohan: WHAT?!!! THAT WASN'T ONE OF THE CHOICES!!!!!!!!  
  
Ripplezrain: I know, but my friend decided that he was the best choice. Now, I am not a stupid Legolas fangirl. (No offense to those who are.) But we think that this is a lot more interesting. *Grins evilly.*  
  
Vegeta: *Mutters about idiocy.*  
  
Legolas: There is a fell voice in the air!  
  
Ripplezrain, Gohan, and Vegeta: -__-  
  
(If you watched the first LOTR movie, then you'll get it.)  
  
Vegeta: *Gets impatient with Legolas and shoots a few weak ki blasts at him.* How would you like to be ki-fried?!  
  
Legolas: Yikes! *Dodges blasts.* *Gets arrows and shoots them at Veggie.*  
  
Vegeta: *Grabs arrows and grounds them into fine powder.*  
  
Legolas: Eeep. *Runs for his life*  
  
Vegeta: Come back here and take the beating with true pride! *Chases after him*  
  
Ripplezrain: WAIT! YOU NEED TO DO MY DISCLAIMER VEGGIE!  
  
Vegeta: RIPPLEZRAIN DOES NOT OWN DBZ, EUKANUBA, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT SHE DOES NOT OWN!  
  
Ripplezrain: NO DUH!!!!!!  
  
Gohan: So, what are you gonna do to torture me this time?!  
  
Ripplezrain: You'll see!!!!!!! *Cackles wildly*  
  
Gohan: -__- Are you going to stop Leggie-bashing though?  
  
Ripplezrain: I should, or else I'll lose a muse and get sued.*Runs after Vegeta and Legolas.*  
  
Gohan: Is there any doubt over Ripplezrain's insanity?!  
  
Previously on Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Uhh, not much happened.Let's see, they did the Macarena and went home.  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Chichi ran over to Gohan's room, extremely excited. "GOHAN!!!!" she screeched.  
  
Gohan didn't even stir.  
  
Chichi sighed. This was urgent and she wasn't about to be delayed by some sleepy teenager. She whipped out her frying pan and gave him a few good bashes on the head.  
  
.to no avail.  
  
What would make this lug head wake up?! Chichi suddenly came up with a brilliant solution. "GOHAN, BREAKFAST IS READY!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHAT BREAKFAST?! IS IT SAUSAGES?! PANCAKES?! WAFFLES?!" was Gohan's response.  
  
Chichi sweatdropped.  
  
"IT IS FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING! BULMA, VEGETA, AND KRILLIN HAVE COLLECTED THE DRAGONBALLS AND ARE WAITING OUTSIDE FOR YOU SO THAT WE CAN WISH YOUR FATHER BACK TO LIFE!" she screamed.  
  
Gohan had fallen asleep again.  
  
After about fifteen minutes of yelling and screaming from Chichi, Gohan got up and went outside to find out that nearly the entire Z Gang was there.  
  
"Oh good, about time you got up. Really, you'd think a person would get up faster when they learn that their father will come back to life!" Bulma said.  
  
"Well, I'm here now. Can we get started?" Gohan asked.  
  
"Sure." (A/N: Umm, I'm not exactly sure what you say to get the dragon to come out, so I'll make something up, alright?)  
  
"SHENLONG! COME OUT!" (A/N: Very original and clever, right? *Gets pelted by tomatoes* Guess not.)  
  
A great green dragon with freaky red eyes suddenly burst out of the balls. The sky darkened, and the dragon spoke. "YOU HAVE AWOKEN ME FROM MY SLUMBER! NAME YOUR WISHES!"  
  
Bulma raised her face, seeing the great dragon for about the billionth time. "WE WISH THAT THE MAN SON GOKU SHOULD BE ALIVE AGAIN AND APPEAR HERE AT THIS VERY SPOT!" she said, trying to be as specific as possible.  
  
"YOUR WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED!" said the dragon. "WHAT IS YOUR SECOND WISH?"  
  
"We'll use that one some other time. Bye Shenlong!" Bulma called.  
  
Shenlong disappeared back into the dragonballs and they separated into different directions.  
  
Suddenly, there was a cheery call of "Hi!" Everyone spun around to see, of all people, Goku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"WE'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!" shrieked Chichi.  
  
"I've missed you guys too," said Goku.  
  
*Exert big family, friend, son, father moment.* (A/N: I suck at sappy, so I'm not going to bother.  
  
"So, where's the food?" (A/N: You can probably guess who said that.)  
  
Everyone laughed (except Vegeta) and decided to go to Bulma's house. She had a big refrigerator.  
  
They either flew on a helicopter to the house or flew by themselves. When they got there Goku darted to the kitchen, opened the fridge door at supernatural speed, and gave a blissful sigh. Then, he started stuffing himself with everything in sight. Roast chicken, steak, corn, egg rolls, spaghetti, rice, and anything edible. (A/N: I made myself hungry.)  
  
Then, suddenly, there was a shriek in the air. Bulma came running through, and her face was full of terror.  
  
"What happened?" asked Chichi.  
  
"I JUST NOTICED THAT THE FOOD THAT GOKU IS EATING IS *dun dun dun* VEGETA'S COOKING!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Ripplezrain: MWAHAHAHAHA CLIFFIE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta, Legolas, and Gohan: Boy, are you mean!  
  
Ripplezrain: Why thank you!  
  
Legolas: *Looks a little singed.* Really, why are the two people with sticky-up hair all two-dimensional?  
  
Vegeta: Well, who'd want that sissy blonde, carefully braided hair of yours?!  
  
Legolas: *Sticks up nose*  
  
Vegeta: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! INSOLENCE!!!!!!!!! *Ki blasts poor Leggie*  
  
Ripplezrain: NOT THIS AGAIN! VEGETA, LEAVE LEGOLAS ALONE OR I WILL, AND I MEAN IT, CALL BULMA!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta: Gulp.  
  
Legolas: HAHAHAHA! A MERE MORTAL WOMAN CONTROLS YOU! MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!  
  
Vegeta: THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!  
  
Legolas: I'm a prince too, you know. Prince of Mirkwood.  
  
Vegeta: Well, I'm the prince of a whole planet!  
  
Legolas: Yeah, but I'm older than you. I'm about 1000 years old!  
  
Vegeta: So?  
  
Legolas: I'm better.  
  
Vegeta: Are not!  
  
Legolas: Are too!  
  
Vegeta: Are not!  
  
Legolas: Are too!  
  
Vegeta: Are- oh what the HFIL! *Ki blasts Leggie again*  
  
Ripplezrain: *Glares* OHHHHHHH BULMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Vegeta: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Poodles and CurlyCoated Retrievers

Vegeta: *Rubs one of a thousand bandages in various places, a gift from Bulma* Really, why isn't there such thing as a Vegeta abuse group?  
  
Ripplezrain: Because that would take the fun out of life.  
  
Vegeta: Well, I'm going to start one!  
  
*Legolas comes by*  
  
Vegeta: Legolas, join SAVA! It stands for Stop All Vegeta Abuse. A support group for me.  
  
Legolas: *Rolling on the floor laughing* YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT I'LL STOP JOIN A SUPPORT GROUP THAT SUPPORTS YOU?! YEAH RIGHT! I'm gonna make my own group. It's SALA. Stop all Legolas abuse.  
  
Vegeta: No one tortures you!  
  
Legolas: Sure, and pigs fly in a purple sky. Read some Lord of the Rings fanfics. They make me look all pink and purty and princessy, if you get my drift.  
  
Vegeta: Well you are a sissy!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Glare* Be nice. DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL BULMA?!  
  
Vegeta: NOOO!  
  
Legolas: Yes!  
  
*Gohan comes by*  
  
Vegeta: Kakarot's brat JOIN MY SUPPORT GROUP, SAVA!  
  
Legolas: Gohan! Plllleeeeaaaasssseeeee join SALA!  
  
Gohan: *Yawns; just woke up* EAT BANANAS!  
  
Ripplezrain: HEY THAT'S MY LINE!!!!!!! I OWN IT, I COPYRIGHTED IT!  
  
Gohan: Who cares? * Gets pummeled to death by lawyers*  
  
Ripplezrain, Legolas, and Vegeta: *Laugh*  
  
Gohan: I AM GOING TO CREATE SAGA! (Stop all Gohan abuse) I keep on dying, I'm tortured to death by people like you, and no one respects me! *Sniffle sniffle sniffle*  
  
Ripplezrain: Oh, poor Gohan, I think we need to send you to an anti- depression group.  
  
*A few minutes later*  
  
Gohan: Hi my name is Gohan and my depression consumes me. WHY THE HFIL AM I SAYING THAT? AND HOW DID I GET HERE SO FAST? AND WHY IS RIPPLEZRAIN HERE?  
  
Ripplezrain: MWAHAHAHAHA I AM THE AUTHOR I HAVE UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Do the disclaimers, Veggie!  
  
Vegeta: Ripplezrain does not own anything but her tiny little mind, which is filled with ways to disband SAVA, SALA, and SAGA.  
  
Ripplezrain: BULMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------  
  
Last time on Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture: (Oops, I wrote Food Torturing and Gohan Poison)  
  
(Goku came back to life)  
  
Goku darted to the kitchen, opened the fridge door at supernatural speed, and gave a blissful sigh. Then, he started stuffing himself with everything in sight. Roast chicken, steak, corn, egg rolls, spaghetti, rice, and anything edible. (A/N: I made myself hungry.)  
  
Then, suddenly, there was a shriek in the air. Bulma came running through, and her face was full of terror.  
  
"What happened?" asked Chichi.  
  
"I JUST NOTICED THAT THE FOOD THAT GOKU IS EATING IS *dun dun dun* VEGETA'S COOKING!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Chichi obviously wasn't aware of Vegeta's deathly food. "So? Gohan ate Vegeta's cooking before!"  
  
"Yeah, and he saw SQUIGGLY RAINBOWS AND DANCING ANIMALS! Vegeta's cooking leads to mass insanity!" Bulma screamed.  
  
"Wait, I thought Gohan hallucinated because he had a high fever!" Chichi said.  
  
"That's true. VEGETA'S COOKING MADE HIM HAVE A HIGH FEVER!"  
  
Just at that moment, Goku was looking slightly green, and his eyeballs were pointing in different directions.  
  
"Oh, great! Finally I might have gotten a decent sparring partner and now he's going to go loco because of my cooking. KAKARROT, YOU AND YOUR BIG STOMACH!" Vegeta screamed.  
  
Goku's eyes rolled up into his head.  
  
"MY POOR HUSBAND!!!!!" shrieked Chichi. She then started furiously whacking Vegeta. "YOU DEMONIC EVIL PERSON! YOU POISONED MY HUSBAND BECAUSE YOU WERE JEALOUS OF HIM!"  
  
Vegeta growled, but he knew that he couldn't murder the banshee with Bulma there.  
  
Goku made a hiccupping sound.  
  
Then, something totally unexpected happened. Goku spoke.  
  
"GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE ONE MILLIONTH ANNUAL POOPER-SCOOPER DOG SHOW!"  
  
"WHAT?!" everyone screamed.  
  
"YES, THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS, WE'VE GOT AN EXCITING SHOW PLANNED FOR YOU! THE FIRST CATEGORY IS THE SPORTING GROUP!"  
  
"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" yelped Gohan. "Please tell me I'm in a bad dream!"  
  
"You're awake," Goten said. "Daddy's just crazy, that's all."  
  
Gohan moaned. Then, something came to mind. "OH NO!!!!!!!!! MY CLASSMATES WILL BE OVER HERE IN NO TIME FOR THEIR FIELD TRIP! I COMPLETELY FORGOT!"  
  
"Oh god. If only he wasn't insane and liable to blow up the whole class. THINK HOW MUCH WE'D BE SUED! I wouldn't be able to buy my makeup, my nice clothes, and that nice purple skirt I've wanted for months!" Bulma wailed.  
  
"THE FIRST UP IS THE CURLY-COATED RETRIEVER! THESE DOGS ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR LOVE OF WATER. THIS TYPE IS THOUGHT TO BE RELATED TO THE POODLE!" Goku announced. "AND FOLKS, THIS IS JUST A BEA-YEW-TIFUL DOG! VERY NICE CONFIGURATION, JUDGE IHATEDOGS SEEMS TO BE PRETTY PLEASED! WE MIGHT HAVE A WINNER HERE!"  
  
Chichi was near hysterics. "Goku, honey, we've gotta leave now, come on."  
  
"PARDON ME MA'M, BUT LEAVE THE HOST ALONE! I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE THE DOG SHOW! IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! YOU'D BE ANXIOUS TOO IF YOU WERE HOSTING THE POOPER-SCOOPER DOG SHOW FINALS! PLEASE LEAVE OR ELSE I WILL BE FORCED TO CALL SECURITY!"  
  
Bulma sighed. "This isn't going to work. Krillin, Piccolo, 18, and Vegeta, can you all take Goku to the GR?"  
  
Krillin scratched his head. He scratched his head extremely often now, since he actually had hair to scratch. Mighty proud of it, he was. Anyways, back to the story. "Well, I'd love to take Goku, Bulma, but there's a slight problem. He doesn't seem to want to leave his, um, dog show," Krillin said.  
  
"I think that as long as Goku is on Capsule Corp grounds he's still in the 'dog show.' It's worth a try," said Piccolo.  
  
So they dragged Goku over to the GR, and luckily, he agreed with it.  
  
But something rather unlucky happened. A yellow school bus drove up to Capsule Corp, depositing the members of Gohan's class.  
  
Gohan gulped. He'd be getting Videl's interrogations any second now.  
  
"Gohan!" yelled Videl.  
  
"Umm, yeah, Videl?" Gohan said nervously.  
  
"HOW IS IT THAT FOR SOME REASON YOU ARE NOT AT SCHOOL, BUT STANDING WITH BULMA BRIEFS, AND CHATTING TO HER LIKE YOU'VE KNOWN HER FOR YOUR WHOLE LIFETIME?!" Videl yelled some more.  
  
"Well, actually, I've known Gohan for about thirteen years," Bulma said cheerfully.  
  
Videl did one of those anime-style drops. But before she had time to yell and question Gohan, a huge blast of light came from the gravity room. It was followed by a mushroom-shaped big smokey thingy (you know what those are, right?!) erupting forth.  
  
The shocked students started screaming and yelling.  
  
Bulma and Gohan quickly ran over to the gravity room. The whole class followed. There, in the GR, was a very charred Goku, still prattling on about the pooper-scooper dog show, and a very angry Vegeta. Krillin and Piccolo were standing with a "this is not good" kind of look on their faces. And half of the GR was in smithereens.  
  
Krillin laughed nervously. "Uh, hi everyone! Vegeta here was just really mad at Goku for talking about the dog show, so he let his anger loose, like his therapist said. Well, like his therapist said before the poor guy got blown into a dust bunny."  
  
The class was completely bewildered.  
  
Bulma tried desperately to cover up the truth. "Um, what Krillin means is that Vegeta and Goku both, um, have pet poodles!"  
  
Vegeta growled, but Bulma continued.  
  
"And they both went to a dog show to show their dogs, and Goku's dog won over Vegeta's. So, um, Vegeta got really mad, and Goku started to brag about it, and now, Goku repeats every single bit of the dog show, and Vegeta gets really mad about it. And Vegeta's kind of insane, so he burnt Goku slightly," said Bulma.  
  
The whole class near fainted from the fact that they were in the same room with a homicidal lunatic.  
  
Gohan sighed mournfully. "Bulma, I think you should have just let them stay bewildered."  
  
Ripplezrain: So, review!  
  
Legolas: And join SALA!  
  
Vegeta: No! Join SAVA!  
  
Gohan: Please join SAGA!  
  
Ripplezrain: Can I invent SARA?  
  
Gohan: You aren't abused!  
  
Ripplezrain: Yeah, but SARA just looks sooo cool!  
  
Gohan: *Sigh.* -__- You are hopeless! 


	7. Truth Takes Time I'm sorry JJ Abrams! I ...

Ripplezrain: It took me more than a little while, but I did write up a chapter.  
  
Vegeta: No one cares about the junk you write.  
  
Ripplezrain: *Glare*  
  
Vegeta: *Glare*  
  
Ripplezrain: STARING CONTEST! ONE TWO THREE!!!!!!!!!  
  
*34 hours later*  
  
Ripplezrain: *Eyes are oozing pus*  
  
Vegeta: *Eyes are inflamed.*  
  
Gohan: *Sigh.* WILL ANY OF YOU STUBBORN FREAKS JUST BLINK?!  
  
Legolas: You know, Gohan's right. JUST BLINK!  
  
Vegeta: NEVER!  
  
Ripplezrain: *Glare* DISCLAIMER!  
  
Vegeta: No!  
  
Ripplezrain: Then you lose. REMEMBER I HAVE UNLIMITED POWER! I could make a tiny little bug *accidentally* fly into your eye. AND I'LL MAKE SURE THAT IT WILL HURT.  
  
Vegeta: To win this contest I will say that Ripplezrain does not own DBZ.  
  
Ripplezrain: Thankies!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------  
  
Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture:  
  
Sitting in the corner of the room was the little black stuffed animal cat from McDonalds. Also known as KOKOMAUN.  
  
But this was no ordinary little cat. For its little innocent eyes were glowing a bright, fiery red.  
  
A long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, loooonnnnggggg time ago, there was once an evil Kai. He enjoyed torturing others and messing with their lives. He was named KOKOMAUN. Not only was he incredibly evil, he was also incredibly strong. People had a hard time with him, and the strongest fighters in the universe tried to destroy him, but it didn't work.  
  
And then, it was time for plan B.  
  
Using ingredients such as the magical asparagus, the golden pineapple, and the forbidden ham, THE MOST POTENTLY DELICIOUS PIZZA IN THE WORLD WAS CREATED! (Well, technically, it was the first pizza in the world, but that's another story.)  
  
KOKOMAUN loved to eat. Eating was his weakness. Whenever he ate, he let down his guard. He ate the pizza.  
  
AND HE WAS FOREVER SEALED IN A LITTLE STUFFED ANIMAL KEY CHAIN OF A KITTY! (That came from McDonalds.)  
  
But he was trying to come back.to regain his power.(sounds like Harry Potter!) and most importantly, TO FINISH THAT PIZZA!  
  
He met the little demi-saiyans, Goten and Trunks. He spoke to them, and they were lured into his evil plan.TO TORTURE GOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yes, Gohan was his torture target. He decided that before he ate the pizza, he must have some fun. And what could be more fun than a tortured Gohan? Gohan was very torture-able. (Hence the million fanfics that torture him happily.)  
  
"Now, what should I do next to Gohan? Yes, I've got it!" he said with a sinister leer. (A/N: I love that word! Leer leer leer! In Spanish it means, "To read.")  
  
Meanwhile, Gohan's classmates were getting hungry. Bulma and Gohan were talking about how to lessen the suspicions, and they didn't notice the class filing out to look for the kitchen.  
  
The class walked about, when suddenly, Erasa jubilantly screamed, "I've found it!"  
  
The class didn't think that Bulma would mind if they just took a little food. It was stated that food would be provided during the field trip, so they decided that they were free to take what they wanted. They opened up the huge refrigerator and saw the nice food inside. Everyone ate like crazy, except Videl, who said she didn't feel hungry.  
  
Of course, the food just had to be Vegeta's cooking.  
  
Bulma and Gohan were shocked to see the bunch of students stampeding in, screaming, "CAN YOU SEE THE LITTLE BOUNCING MONKEYS?!"  
  
Videl was pretty darn shocked too. Her usually normal and rational classmates were now insane. And she felt that she had had enough of Gohan's weirdness.  
  
"GOHAN TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT'S GOING ON! FIRST THERE'S THAT DESTROYING THE GYM THING. THEN THERE'S THIS SINGING BASS AND A POODLE GUY! AND NOW, NOW OUR CLASSMATES ARE INSANE!" she screamed.  
  
Bulma calmly announced, "The food that your classmates ate was Vegeta's cooking. They've been poisoned, so they'll be mentally insane for a while. But don't worry, it'll get better."  
  
Videl looked ready to faint. Instead, she muttered, "How weird can things get around here?!"  
  
Meanwhile, Goten and Trunks were getting a little freaked out. They noticed that KOKOMAUN's eyes were glowing and looking evil. "THAT'S IT!" Trunks screamed. "KOKOMAUN'S GETTING EVIL. I DON'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE. THROW HIM IN THE TRASH!"  
  
Goten was about to toss KOKOMAUN away, but KOKOMAUN glowed bright red with a will of his own.  
  
"I can't touch him, Trunks! He burns my hands!" poor Goten said.  
  
The two frightened chibis ran out to Gohan, Bulma, and Videl.  
  
"KOKOMAUN'S EVIL! HELP!" they screamed.  
  
Bulma smiled. "You two probably just fell asleep and had a horrible nightmare about the fake idol you created!"  
  
"No! He really is evil!" But before Goten and Trunks had time to explain, KOKOMAUN whooshed in.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE EVIL MINI SPRITES SPEAK THE TRUTH! I AM REAL! AND I HAVE COME TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE!" he yelled.  
  
Gohan snorted. "Oh please. That is so old! How many times have I heard that? Lets see, the Red Ribbon Army, Frieza, Vegeta, the Androids, Garlic Jr., Cell, and about a million others who are currently rotting in HFIL."  
  
Videl stared blankly. She was completely and totally befuddled, concluded that she was stuck in a bizarre fantasy world.  
  
KOKOMAUN looked angry. "You dare mock me?!"  
  
"Yes," said Gohan, Goten, and Trunks.  
  
"COULDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, YOU IDIOTS?!"  
  
"No."  
  
"THAT WAS ALSO RHETORICAL! DO ANY OF YOU HAVE BRAINS?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"ACK!!!!!"  
  
And so KOKOMAUN began a lesson on the definition of a rhetorical question.  
  
"You see, a rhetorical question is a question that does not need an answer. Get it?" KOKOMAUN asked.  
  
Silence.  
  
"THAT WASN'T RHETORICAL!" KOKOMAUN screamed.  
  
"OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Anyways, I'm getting off topic. Now, where was I? Oh yes, I WILL RULE THE UNIVERSE!" KOKOMAUN continued. And he started raising his power level.  
  
And raising it.  
  
And raising it.  
  
And raising it!  
  
Until it was a mind-boggling amount.  
  
Gohan's jaw dropped. "WHOA! There's barely any possibility that I could beat him! The only person I know who has a power level even similar to his is Dad, and seeing that he's.uh.indisposed, at the moment." (In the background, you can hear screamings of "AND THE BULLDOG IS UP!" and "BAKA KAKARROT!" and huge explosions.)  
  
"YOU SEE! NO ONE CAN BEAT ME!" KOKOMAUN yelled. (Can you imagine a stuffed animal kitty key chain saying this?!)  
  
Gohan raised an eyebrow. "And since your sooooo absolutely strong, why are you a little stuffed animal kitty?"  
  
KOKOMAUN looked as if he were thinking about an unpleasant memory. "Some stupid people locked me up in here while I was eating a pizza."  
  
"Ahhhhh!" Gohan's quick mind was already in action.  
  
Meanwhile, a lovely lovely stampede of happy students ran in, screaming, "LITTLE BUNNY FRU-FRU JUMPING THROUGH THE FOREST!"  
  
Ripplezrain: Must.not.blink!  
  
Vegeta: Must.not.blink!  
  
Gohan: *Groan*  
  
Legolas: *Groan* Gohan: Just ignore them.  
  
Legolas: One of them has to crack.  
  
Vegeta: *Suddenly a large multicolored butterfly lands in his eye.* OWWWWW! GET OFF OF ME YOU STUPID CREATURE! *The butterfly serenely flutters away* *Vegeta blinks!*  
  
Ripplezrain: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA UNLIMITED POWER!!!!!! 


	8. Finally it's over

Ripplezrain: Can it be true?! Am I actually updating?! YESSSSS!!!!

Gohan, Vegeta, Leggie: *are looking dusty and neglected* *glare viciously at her* You just had to banish us to the most unused recesses of your brain!

Vegeta: At least we had plenty of room to roam around. There's a lot of unused parts of your brain. 

Ripplezrain: Hmph. Anyways, I'll tell you why I was MIA for so long. Well, I just stopped watching DBZ, because of lack of new episodes, and quickly lost interest in it. But now, DB/Z/GT's on for like, what, two hours daily on Cartoon Network, so my interest has been renewed. But I want to edit some of the chappies, because, well, it makes me feel that I was so immature back then. Like I said in my author's note that had been taken down by bot (*growls viciously at bot*) I'm going to massacre this story! Hopefully it'll be a lot better, and even with a bit of romance in it! Yep, you heard right, Ripplezrain might just have a shot at romance! After a year of meditation and a strict diet of brownies and tennis balls-

Gohan: WHAT?! TENNIS BALLS?!

Leggie: Lembas are better.

Ripplezrain: *rolls eyes* -I have discovered what romance is! It is when two people like each other, kiss, and get married.

Vegeta: That took you a year to figure out?

Ripplezrain: I know, I'm so smart! And the tennis balls and brownies really sped up the process. Now, back to business. How do you do a disclaimer again? Oh yeah: I do not own DBZ. Sue and I'll banish _you_ to the dark recesses of my unused brain! And I'd really like to thank my reviewers, especially gohan/videlgoten/trunkslover! I was so flattered when you asked me to continue the story in your review, and I think you emailed me about it, too. If not, it was someone else, who I'm also thankful for!

**********************************************************************

Food Poisoning and Gohan Torture 

            Videl was dumbstruck. What the hell was going on? A happy meal key-chain was talking, the class was mental, homicidal lunatics abounded, and Gohan seemed to know EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON. 

            He was a dead man. 

            A very dead man. As in deceased, departed, gone, not alive, etc. 

            But Gohan was oblivious to the plotting of his untimely demise. He was more focused on his idea. It was so ridiculous that it just might work.  KOKOMAUN liked food. Vegeta cooked food. Bad food. But it looked pretty good. The class and his father had dug in, and as a result they were insane just from eating it. 

            KOKOMAUN was getting impatient. "ARE YOU READY TO FIGHT?!"

            Silence.

            "WELL?!"

            "Oh, sorry, I thought that was rhetorical."

            KOKOMAUN sighed. These thickskulled saiyans were hopeless.

            "Okay, I'm ready to fight, but first, I have to say something to my friends here." Gohan pointed to Videl and Bulma. "Call it a few last words."

            "Last words?" Bulma whispered skeptically. "You could whip that sorry little key-chain! He doesn't even have any arms!" 

            "And you can't die before you tell me WHAT IS GOING ON!" Videl screeched.

            Gohan winced. "There's no time for that right now. I've got a plan. While I distract KOKOMAUN, get out some of Vegeta's food, and place it where KOKOMAUN can see it. Go!"

            The two women scampered off into the depths of the refrigerator, leaving Gohan with KOKOMAUN. "Let's get this going!"

            The two started attacking each other viciously. For a key-chain, KOKOMAUN was _good_. Really good. The evil kai easily dodged Gohan's moves and gave off a lot of powerful attacks. (A/N: I suck at fighting scenes, so I'm not going to bother making it too detailed.)

            KOKOMAUN clearly had the upper hand. Gohan was tiring, and his years of slacking were showing. As KOKOMAUN was about to finish Gohan off, he looked over the saiyan's shoulder. 

            FOOD! WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL FOOD! It looked so good that KOKOMAUN had to keep from drooling. It positively shimmered with a radiant glow. KOKOMAUN knew he couldn't wait one more second; he just had to sate his hunger. Floating over to the table where it had been placed, he dug in. 

            Gohan smiled. This was working perfectly. Just as he had predicted, KOKOMAUN was eating like a madman, and sooner or later, he would go crazy!

            But there seemed to be a flaw in Gohan's excellent plan. KOKOMAUN had finished all the food, and he still hadn't gone crazy! He must be too strong for that amount of food poisoning to affect him! "Oh no! I have to get Vegeta to cook more! VEGETA!"

            Vegeta soon zoomed in, dragging with him a still-delirious Goku. "What, bratling?"

            "And isn't that a beautiful dog, folks? I just love the rhythm and movement of these greyhounds!"

            "SHUT UP, KAKARROT!"

            Gohan took a deep breath. He never expected to say this in his entire life. "Vegeta, I need you to cook for me."

            Silence.

            Deep silence.

            Utter silence.

            Vegeta looked slightly surprised. Then he smirked. "I always knew that my food was delicious!"

            "Right…" said Gohan.

            Five minutes later, Vegeta, decking a voluminous tickle-me-pink kitchen apron, was busy making some of his disgusting delicacies, and KOKOMAUN was patiently waiting. Goku was still rambling on about the dog show, and a curious and confused Videl was chasing Gohan around the house. 

            Thirty minutes later, KOKOMAUN was gobbling up Vegeta's food, and Vegeta was sitting around with a smug expression on his face. Videl had lost Gohan somewhere, and Goku's ramblings stopped when the 'dog show' was over. He was just wandering around dazedly and screaming "MONKEY BLADDERS!" at anyone he happened to meet. 

            Ten minutes after that, Videl had found Gohan and was scaring the poor demi-saiyan out of his wits. Vegeta was still smug. Goku was sleeping contentedly on the couch. But the most amazing thing was what was going on with KOKOMAUN. The black fabric that covered him was starting to turn a most interesting shade of brown. His ears were starting to droop, and a tiny pink tongue was protruding from his mouth. 

            "What…poison…did…you…feed…me?!" he yelled before he started doing some sort of dance. 

            "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!"

            Everyone sweatdropped. 

            "Young man, there's no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young man, 'cause you're in a new town. There's no need to be unhappy!"

            More sweatdropping.

            "Young man, there's a place you can go. I said, young man, when you're short on your dough. You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find many ways to have a good time!"

            Even more sweatdropping. 

            "It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A! It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!"

            Everyone was drenched in sweat now.

            "Oookay then. Hey, KOKOMAUN! You know, if you fly up past this planet and into the stars, you'll find a really good YMCA!" said Gohan. 

            KOKOMAUN'S eyes widened. "Ooh, really?! I wanna go! See ya later!"

            With that said, he rocketed off into space. 

            Gohan sighed. "Well, I'm glad that's over with!"

            "Not so fast, buddy! I have a few questions for you."

            Gulp. "Eh, heh. Nice seeing everyone. Gotta go."

            "Son Gohan! You can't keep on running away!" yelled Videl.

            "Just watch me," Gohan muttered.

            And the two ran off into the horizon. 

************************************************************************

Epilogue:

            KOKOMAUN died after zooming up into the vast nothingness of space, just like Gohan had planned. Vegeta proudly bragged to anyone who would listen that he defeated that evil villain. That's right! The prince of the Saiyans defeated KOKOMAUN, a threat to the universe! Not that third class baka Kakarrot. Unfortunately, no one would listen, except for Trunks, who was bribed into it.

            Goku and Gohan's class soon returned to normal. Bulma used a mind-eraser machine to erase the strange events from the minds of everyone in the class, except for Videl. They were planning to erase Videl, too, except she foiled their plan and evaded it so many times that they soon gave up. Still very confused, Videl found out nothing from Gohan, who kept his mouth shut tightly. 

            And they all lived happily (not really) ever after. (Actually they died some point afterwards, so I guess I couldn't say ever after, could I?) Anyways, 

The End!

************************************************************************

Ripplezrain: HAHAHAHAHA I FINISHED IT! It was pretty bad, ne? But at least I got it over and done with! *cheers*


End file.
